Family Law Section

What About the Children

The following areas are important ones for you to understand:

1. Sometimes parents feel hurt by behaviors of the child that are not unusual for a child of that age. Understanding the stages through which a child grows will help you to better deal with some of those behaviors.

It is important that you understand your child(ren) and their needs during a divorce. Children respond differently based upon their personalities, but they also respond differently based upon their age and development.

Hints for parents:

• Child Development & Parenting Information
• Family Life
• Hints for divorcing parents

CHILDREN BENEFIT WHEN PARENTS:

1. Initiate the child's contact with the other parent on a regular basis by phone, letter, audio and videotapes, e-mail and other forms of communication.

2. Maintain predictable schedules.

3. Are prompt and have children ready at exchange time.

4. Avoid any communication that may lead to conflict at exchange time.

5. Ensure smooth transitions by assuring the children that they support their relationship with the other parent and trust the other's parenting skills.

6. Allow the children to carry "important" items such as clothing, toys and security blankets with them between the parents' homes.

7. Follow similar routines for mealtime, bedtime and homework time.

8. Handle rules and discipline in similar ways.

9. Support contact with grandparents and other extended family so the children do not experience a sense of loss.

10. Are flexible so the child can take advantage of opportunities to participate in special family celebrations or events.

11. Give as much advance notice as possible to the other parent about special occasions.

12. Provide an itinerary of travel dates, destination and places where the child or parent can be reached when on vacation.

13. Establish a workable, "business-like" method of communication.

14. Plan their vacations around the child's regularly scheduled activities.

CHILDREN ARE HARMED WHEN PARENTS:

l. Make their child choose between mom and dad.

2. Question their child about the other parent's activities or relationships.

3. Make promises they do not keep.

4. Argue with or put down the other parent in the child's presence or range of hearing.

5. Discuss their personal problems with the child or in the child's range of hearing.

6. Use the child as a messenger, spy, or mediator.

7. Withhold access because child support has not been paid.